HUMBLE BLESSINGS May 15, 2008
Posted by papad in Uncategorized.trackback
Well… I guess it will soon be my time to join the millions of other Americans who need to go on anti-depressant meds. Not quite sure what my pill of choice will be, or what to expect. There’s a first time for everything, right? Right.
The funny thing is… I feel a strange sense of defeat. It’s almost as though my male ego registers any form of outside help as being somehow negative — which explains why most guys drop dead quicker than women, I suppose. From what I’ve heard (and no, I don’t speak for ALL guys… just myself, truthfully), guys, in general, avoid doctors and will not admit there is a problem until whatever their issue is has morphed into a snarling, 1,000 lb. Sasquatch in the corner which cannot be ignored.
I’m currently scooping up the poop of my own ‘Sasquatch’, and trying to repair all of the ceilings in my life and in my relationships that ‘he’ has demolished with his pointy, ape-like head. Sigh. How did things get so f****ed up, and why did I allow it to go on for so long? Good questions. Ultimately, I am responsible, and thankfully, I’m doing the responsible thing — GETTING HELP.
My wife has put up with my insanity for far too long now. The burden has been unevenly distributed upon her, and I can see, for the first time really, how unfair it all is. We all have our own ‘demons’ in life — anyone out there who claims to be NORMAL and TOGETHER is in heavy denial. The irony is, we often don’t see it… or we cannot grasp the notion that we are disfunctional until our own friends or family perform an intervention on our behalf. I’m still reeling from my ‘intervention’… coming to terms with all of the problems I have that I just don’t see.
For all of you out there battling your own ‘demons’, keep up the fight. I salute you.
Best Regards,
~Papa D
“coming to terms with all of the problems I have that I just don’t see.”
Of course, the first thing to do is to know that there is a problem. One can’t just keep slashing at the dark hoping to hit an unseen target. Turn on the lights and open your eyes! Fortunately, you already seem to have done that.
I am quite happy that you are getting some help. As for me, all I can do is to show my support through writing. I guess that is how I try to reach out, and putting the internet to good use. No alternative to being there in person, though. But still, I try my best.
When I was going through my depression last year, it has come to the point when I wanted to meet a guidance counselor. (I am still in college.) I am glad that I did, because that was when I thought I could not last any longer. I would have started hurting myself. But still, some part of me told me that was not the way to go. What use is to escape if one would not survive? It is nice to know that we are never alone.
Good luck and stay strong, Papa D.
- Nick
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